"If it wasn't for the club I'd still have my love." Rihanna

hatin on the club - rihanna

A few weeks ago, the Bible study topic was "church hurt." You know, when you avoid going to church because the pastor said something you didn't agree with or a fellow churchgoer offended you in some way. Somehow Dez, the wonderful Bible study leader, always hits the nail on the head with his topics. I really wanted to ask him, "how did you know?"

I'm not avoiding church, but for the longest I was avoiding Bible study. I didn't want to return to the place where I got my feelings hurt (i.e. heart broken) by my ex. I neglected to go for three whole months, THREE MONTHS!!! I finally went during the second week of January...and I was shaking the whole time there. I kept wondering if he was coming, did I look good enough to miss (yes, I think like that), would I say hi to him, should he say hi to me, etc. It was nerve-wracking. Thankyfully, he didn't show up. I forgot to thank God for that. In retrospect, I don't think my head, my heart, or my emotions were ready for that. I didn't want to see him and I didn't want him to see me. Compared to now, I felt an emotional mess and I'm pretty sure it showed.

I did see him at a party that weekend, but by then my emotions were in a better place.

Anywho, the Rihanna song reminded me of this. Plus this topic was sitting in my draft box for the longest!