A few days ago my sister and I were conversing about two friends we dated over the summer, what worked, what did not.....most of the conversation was about what didn't. She said that something was seriously wrong with them. With the guy I dated, it was the fact that he constantly loved to be the center of attention. In my sister's words, "By constantly needing attention, he was compensating for something." I couldn't disagree. He was a fun person, the type that gets along with everybody and their mama -- literally -- but he was definitely compensating for something. With her guy, it was the red flags. He was unreliable & he cheated on EVERY girlfriend he had. There are probably more red flags, but those were the two she mentioned.
The whole red flag thing made me start thinking... what constitutes as a red flag? My guy was unreliable, and he too confessed that he also cheated on every ex. That didn't raise any alarms for me though. I wasn't looking for something permanent with him, it was only 5 weeks of dating. Should I have stopped talking to him after knowing those things? To me, they weren't red flags. I just felt sorry for his exes and any future females who choose to pursue a relationship with him. ---Old habits die hard!--- I'm guessing that the whole red flag thing is relative. It can only be a red flag if it affects you, no?
Not too long after that conversation, I was conversing with my current love endeavor (Alice Smith song title) and I asked whether I was the only female he was talking to. He didn't say yes or no, but he said that he gives time to his ex, but its not "like that." I'm guessing that was an intended no; however, I believe everything after 'but' is a lie. And if it's not in his case then there's still that looming fear. I've been the ex-girlfriend that kept in touch with her ex-boyfriend. It was because we still had feelings for each other, or at least I still had feelings for him. Immediately, I got that feeling that his situation would constitute as a red flag...
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Red Flags
Posted by Abina at 1:28 AM
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3 comments:
I've decided to go to Blogger too... well,I'm kinda sorta keeping both for now, since I have a lot of stuff at Xanga that I just can't leave. I may ultimately switch back to Xanga, thought I don't know.
And for some reason, I don't heed red flags... though I'm starting to get better, and realize that when my conscience says something's wrong... something IS wrong, and I should move on.
you've been tagged :) check out my blog to see!
I have to also say that I either tend to completely ignore red flags or just plain over-analyze them. For some reason, that I really haven't come to understand yet, I don't have faith in any male. I feel like almost everything that leaves the mouth of a guy I'm "talking" to is a lie or an exaggeration, almost. Like they would tell you anything you want to hear to make you see them in a better light. Well, recently, I tried to go a different route and tried something new. I tried to start something with a clear mind and a positive attitude- big mistake! I ignored all red flags, all sirens, all stop signs-everything that would have made me see the "PSYCHO" sign above his head. Now I'm in a bit of a pickle that I'm still trying to straighten out! At this point, it feels like a lose-lose situation: When I pay attention to red flag, I go overboard and I miss out on the amazing and better side of a few good people, when I ignore red flags, I end up with the crazies! LOL.
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